No, the title isn’t misleading. Yes, I know it’s October already and Back-To-School shopping is long gone….however, it has taken me this long to recover from one particular shopping trip with DramaQueen in early September. Thus, you are reading a belated post 😉

Shopping with a teenage daughter is tricky at best. A lot depends on mood…. not just her mood, but MY mood too. I was feeling extraordinarily patient one September day and agreed to go to the BIGGEST mall in the universe…located right here in my home town (lucky me).

Apparently these are the textbooks that fashionistas are studying.

I thought of comparing this shopping trip to an ocean cruise…sometimes feeling like I’m on a 5-star Princess cruise ship…and other times feeling like I’m in a deflating life raft without a paddle.

We “cruised” happily into the first store and ended up fairly soon in the change room. That’s where things started to deteriorate.

Conversation in Fitting Room:

ME: That’s cute!
DQ: No, it’s not.

{next outfit}
ME: That’s cute!
DQ: NO, it’s NOT!

{14 outfits later}
ME: Ummmmm…isn’t that shirt see-through??
DQ: That’s the whole point!!

I wish I had photos for you from the Fitting room, but that would have been too creepy.

Instead, I took photos while waiting OUTSIDE the Fitting Room {mwaahaa…evil laughter}

Here’s a lovely t-shirt….

The “feminist” in me really enjoys the nude images of women that form a skull.  How artistic!

And check out this delightful tag on a tank top….

Sorry for the poor quality photo…..all these teen stores have horrible lighting.

Let me type out what is printed on the tag:  “Keep out of Reach of Good Girls”  then below that: “Successful Loving Tablet”  “1 capsule”

See that pink circle?  That is actually a pink tablet/pill in a plastic enclosed bubble.  Egads.  What the ??

After spending most of the day in dimly lit stores that have pounding music and are masquerading as nightclubs, we entered a happy place, all bright and colourful.

This store is Victoria Secret for teens…called “PINK”

I don’t know about you, but all of my bras and panties when I was 14 years old were BEIGE.  Not even white.  And definitely NOT black (that colour was only for bad girls!)  Now the girls can buy RAINBOW underwear!

I had a devilish thought while she was trying on stuff in this Pink store….why not buy an extra large thong in neon pink for myself.  But no, I knew DQ wouldn’t find the humour in that, and I could not put up with anymore eyerolling.

Instead, I sat quietly and watched all the other middle-aged moms stand in the check-out line with the same dazed and confused looks on their faces as me.

And that helped..a little…knowing that I’m not alone on this mothership that’s being tossed about in the storm called “Hurricane Adolescence.”

I can’t wait til we come to port…in like 10 years or so??

10 Comments on Back-to-School Shopping Mall of Horrors

  1. Renee VanEpps
    October 21, 2011 at 4:40 am (13 years ago)

    HA! Love it Kelly! I know my turn is coming, mine’s only 4, but time does fly… Everytime I think nothing can shock me these days, I see something like that tag on the shirt! What the ____?!! Anyway, as I read your through your post, my thought was that you really should try to publish your writing. ( You may be like DUH RENEEE, been there done that! ) But I think your writing would be so perfect @ places like Paper Crafting Magazine’s blog, or any of the other major blogs.. since you’re so good at papercrafting and writing.. match made in heaven!

  2. Sandra D
    October 21, 2011 at 7:46 am (13 years ago)

    Hi Kelly,
    Love the post & the photos. It really sickens me to see the lengths the retailers will go for shock value. The values that seem normal today are outrageous! It is after seeing things like this that I am happy my dd does not love to shop. Your analogy about the cruise is so apt – we are sailing on chopping seas with a broken rudder! The really scary thought is I don’t know who is the captain most days.

  3. Michelle
    October 21, 2011 at 8:17 am (13 years ago)

    baaahhhaaaa. I sooooooooooo feel your pain! and that comment about the undies?? Oh how true is that ! as Chelsea likes to say [ only half as a joke I think] “My Nana thinks I wear satan’s panties!”LOL and I thought I was a rebel in high school when I wore the first mini skirt out of all the girls! haha Why do retailers need to sexualize our little girls at an earlier and earlier age ? and I’m SHOCKED at that pill tshirt! Whoa…what the heck is that all about?

  4. Tasha
    October 21, 2011 at 8:39 am (13 years ago)

    Guess I should be thankful for boys only! 😉

  5. Cindy Gay
    October 21, 2011 at 7:25 pm (13 years ago)

    Is Boy Genius any better? I’m not sure. . . Did she buy and think with “PINK” written across the back side?

  6. Gabrielle Pollacco
    October 22, 2011 at 3:15 pm (13 years ago)

    You always give me a good laugh Kelly! Coming her is god for the soul….nice to know that I’m not the only one the breaks out in hives thinking about back to school shopping! Even more fun…try shopping with 2 girls who spend their whole time weighing out what is fair, who got more…oiy! You’re such a good writer…love reading your posts! xx

  7. Micupoftea~
    October 23, 2011 at 5:44 pm (13 years ago)

    HAHAHA!! You gave me a good chuckle! When I walk into Hollisters it takes a few minutes to get my hearing back after we leave! Luckily, my dd does not like shopping, and chooses clothing quickly! lol~ We end up going to better lit places like Forever 21 where at least we can read the tags! She prefers feminine and classy styles, not midriff baring, thank goodness. Love your sense of humor…THANKS for visiting my Haunted Halloween Tea!

    October 24, 2011 at 6:41 am (13 years ago)

    While I was in Chicago recently I went into a couple of these stores and pretty much turned immediately around and left because of the loud music! I guess I am officially getting old! LOL!!!

  9. Izzyb
    October 24, 2011 at 4:10 pm (13 years ago)

    Another fabulous and funny post. It’s kind of scary – perfect for Halloween! Love your writing. It’s definitely a treat!

  10. Crystal
    October 30, 2011 at 4:51 am (13 years ago)

    Love this post! I’ve been there.
    Funny that we both have daughters on both ends of the shopping spectrum.
    (Our DQ’s Love It……SHOPPING…..Leave It says our BOF’s)


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